she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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