your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
