I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
