While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize