Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize