i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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