they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
