Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
