biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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