the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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