I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
