i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
