I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
