so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
