Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
