what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
