Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize