how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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