Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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