wakey wakey hands off snakey
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
