Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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