I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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