Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
