yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
