He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
