im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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