Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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