Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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