okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
