Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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