you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
