R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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