he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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