it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
