Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
