Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
