Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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