Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
