I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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