you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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