I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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