dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize