I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
