And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
