I should be sponsored by Trojan
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize