first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
