I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
