Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
This is the high leading the old right now
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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