you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
