Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize