its not stalking. its research.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
