News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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