My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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