I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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