started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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