Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
i need some magic done to my vagina
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
