Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
