Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
