How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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