I'm pants shitting drunk right now
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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