Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
