Jerry, you need to find god
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
