Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize