Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
