the condom got lost in my hair
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
