i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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