I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
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