i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
