Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
