Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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