I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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