You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
