So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
