So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
