Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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