Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
