his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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