I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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