Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
