i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
