weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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