I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
