NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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