You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
