Michael Bay diarrhea
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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