She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
